Sumud Story House - Stories from Palestine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sumud Story House
Life Stories

WE LOCK OURSELVES UP IN BARRELS, BOXES, JAILS, CYLINDERS, AND CAGES 

Abdalla Abu Rahme 

Some 1,800 Muslims live in Bil’in. We have 4,000 dunams (1 dunam = 1 m2) of land in the area. A large part is covered with 20,000 olive trees. There is also some open land for animals and the cultivation of corn. Half of the villagers are dependent on agriculture and another ten percent on keeping animals. Others are workers or employees. The Wall cuts us off from more than half the land: 2,300 dunams, or 57 percent. We still have access to our land on the other side of the Wall – that is, as long as the gate in the Wall is open. 

The building of the Wall started on February 20, 2005. We organized a committee to set up actions against it. At first we planned to conduct actions daily, but that was difficult to implement, and so we settled on having two to three actions every week. We decided to try out a new and creative method each time so as to make the actions attractive to the media and to keep journalists interested in coming. We wanted weekly continuity in our actions as had happened before in the villages of Budrus, Biddha, and Mesha, but we also wanted the media to keep asking: “What is new in Bil’in?” After all, when the actions are only about throwing stones, people would think that it is always the same. A friend and I have been meeting every Wednesday night to brainstorm about that week’s next actions – which had to be nonviolent. Other friends join in to give their comments, and then we prepare for the weekly action. As for participants, we depend upon the villagers, members of the International Solidarity Movement (ISM), international volunteers, and the Israeli peace movement. 

Our purpose is the removal of the Wall. We will continue our actions even if the Israelis plan to finish building the Wall in the coming months. If they wish, they can put the Wall on the Green Line (the pre-1967 border between Israel and the West Bank), but not here. If the Wall prevents us from going to our land, we will have a third Nakba (disaster – expulsion of Palestinians; the first Nakba was in 1948 at the time of the establishment of Israel, the second during the June War in 1967). Our families would not have land on which to build and would face a new transfer from their homes. 

Our actions aim to expose the injustice of the Wall and the treatment of Palestinians. Last week we wore orange masks, the kinds worn by convicted persons before their execution. It was to tell the world what is happening in Gaza. When you destroy power stations, you are killing people. Last Friday we made a kind of soccer play with the adults holding a big ball on their shoulders and wearing T-shirts and flags of the various countries participating in the World Cup. On the other side of the field, some 20 children wore red-painted T-shirts that symbolized the occupation. The message: While everybody is watching football on TV, many Palestinian children are killed. Each time we bring a new element into our actions. We lock ourselves up in barrels, boxes, jails, cylinders, and cages. We put tape over our mouths, chain our hands, and even chain ourselves to the Wall. 

At the end of last year we heard about the arrival of so-called ‘illegal’ settlers on our land on the other side of the Wall. Of course all settlers are illegal according to international law, but these settlers were considered illegal even by Israel, as they have no building permit. So we wanted to do something. We challenged the Israeli state on December 21, by posting a caravan next to those illegal settlers’ houses, on our own land. We told the soldiers, “If you want to implement your own law and remove our caravan, you have to destroy those 700 apartments in Matityahu East [the settlement] as well.” Twenty persons remained inside or close to the caravan for a period of 36 hours. Then a big tractor came. Soldiers took us out as if we were savages or beasts. The caravan was destroyed and some people were arrested. On December 25, at 15:00, we came back with another caravan. It was rainy and cold, so we thought that maybe we would be successful. After an hour, a commander came and asked us what we were doing. “You don’t have a permit,” he said. So we asked, “What about those other houses – they don’t have a permit either.” The commander: “Those are houses, they have windows and ceilings.” In response we decided to build a house, of one room, some 150 meters behind the Wall. We started immediately, at 21:00, on the evening of that same day. Friends helped us quietly. It was raining so when we passed through the gate in the Wall, the soldiers were not looking too closely. But then the car that transported the building materials got stuck in the mud. We called for another car, stuffed it with materials, and told the soldier at the gate that we needed the new car in order to pull out the first car. All went well. We started building at night, with building blocks and three to four sacks of concrete. All together we were thirty people. To protect us from the cold and the rain, we made a big fire in the middle of the building place. The difficult part was the ceiling. Throughout the night we rotated so that at any one time seven persons kept their hands held high to sustain the ceiling – four by four meters. Imagine how we looked standing there like sculptures! At five in the morning, the room was dry. At seven o’clock, the commander arrived, clearly nervous and angry at the soldiers who allowed this to happen. Photos were made; we filled in a form to apply for a permit.

Now we have a center near the land that we cultivate. We call it the Center for Common Struggle. After the action, our lawyer was able to get the ‘illegal’ building activities in Matityahu East stopped, at least for the moment. Jewish families would constantly enter the empty apartments during the night. Some 35 families in the ‘illegal’ settlement are now not permitted to get electricity pending the court’s decision. At the moment, we show the World Cup matches on a big-screen TV. There are usually between 20 and 50 visitors, keeping a presence around the clock. The army does not allow cars to enter the gate, but visitors can walk through it. 

What keeps me going and allows me to continue with these actions? In the first place, the hope to remove the Wall. This is our right; we have a right to our land. We do not have a choice. Without our land, we are in a terrible situation. Where can we build houses for our children, brothers, neighbors? What also sustains us are the volunteers from many countries who come especially to support us. We are not alone; we have friends against the occupation. Members of the Israeli peace movement also come day and night. At the beginning it was difficult to organize meetings in the village if Israelis were included. All that has changed because now there are relations between these Israelis and the villagers. Whenever we need them, they come immediately. We are not against the Jews, or the Israelis, but against the occupation. I always stress this. I wouldn’t even mind going personally to Olmert to tell him: “You are wrong!” In fact, we want to change Israeli public opinion about the Wall. At first Israelis spoke about security as the reason for building the Wall. But after learning about our case and others, many found out that the Wall is not about security but that it serves a policy of grabbing land and building settlements. 

If there were no occupation of our land, we would have good neighborly relations. Many Israeli friends come to my home. We respect each other as human beings. They also come to court in our defense. It affects me when I see banners such as “Free Abu Rahme” in court. It makes me strong. I was arrested three times: on June 17, 2005, July 15, 2005, and September 9, 2005. Two other times I escaped arrest. After the first arrest, I was kept for five days and had to pay 3,000 shekels ($670); the second time, I was detained for five days and had to pay 5,000 shekels ($1,100); and the third time, I was held for 21 days and had to pay 6,000 shekels ($1,330). I paid the first fine myself, but the second and third were paid by the international volunteers. We have learned to help each other by sharing what we have: the volunteers use my apartment in the village. 

I was twice injured by rubber bullets; about ten times I was beaten up by soldiers, with sticks. Because of a stick that hit my wrist, I can no longer carry heavy things.

When people call me ‘Palestinian Gandhi’, I feel flattered. Of course it’s great to have such a nickname. But in the end, it’s not because I am reading Gandhi in the library that we have come up with our actions. I was not planning to become a Gandhi. This is a Palestinian struggle. We show that we can use nonviolence in Palestine. Louisa Morgantini, the Italian Euro-parliamentarian, recently came to the Gaza Strip. She said on Al-Jazeera TV that if the Palestinians would do what Bil’in is doing, Europeans would support them. John Dugard, UN special rapporteur on human rights, came to Bil’in, and I explained to him the situation here. He saw how soldiers were shooting teargas grenades along a straight line, very dangerously, just over the roof of a car. Those grenades are supposed to be shot in a curve. He saw how a 13-year-old boy wanted to plant a little tree near the Wall, and how the kid was arrested and then barely escaped. With all the publicity we receive, we are writing history with our own actions. 

For me, freedom is independence – having one’s own country, being able to move everywhere and travel to any country. Freedom means that others treat us like human beings and that we have the financial means to live. Freedom is the early-morning moment when my family and I sit under the olive tree and breathe the fresh air. Freedom means knowing that my daughter will one day be able to fulfill her wish to see the sea by herself. 

Interview: July 1-2, 2006, Ramallah.

 

Following popular non-violent resistance, an Israeli court decision was issued on September 4, 2007 in favor of the petition of the village of Bil’in to change the planned route of the Wall. Although this decision can be seen as a victory in the non-violent struggle of the villagers against the Israeli occupation, the route of the Wall still deviates from internationally recognized armistice lines and is therefore in violation of international law. 

Abdalla Abu Rahme is coordinator of the Popular Committee against the Wall in the West Bank village of Bil’in. He teaches Arabic at the Latin Patriarchate School in the village of Birzeit and is a part-time lecturer at Al-Quds (Jerusalem) Open University.


 

I HAVE TO DIVIDE HOPE INTO STAGES TO MAKE IT MORE REALISTIC 

Hania Bitar 

When the whole story of the Wall started, I was somehow dealing with it in disbelief. It was something that was about to happen, but at the time I was pushing it away, or I dealt with it from a journalistic or political point of view. It was being built in this area or that area, but still it was far away. It was not part of my life. But when they started constructing the Wall in the Ar-Ram area where I cross, where I work and live, suddenly this thing forced itself upon my existence, my daily life, my day and night. Every time I looked out the window I saw the Wall. It was really shocking. Suddenly this Wall of solid concrete became very scary. I usually try to be and present myself as a courageous woman, but to tell you the truth, sometimes when I am driving and it is evening, this Wall really frightens me. It looks cold, long, and winding – like a snake. When I am driving alongside it, it is an endless road. Although I am not claustrophobic, that Wall makes me feel as though I am in a bottle. I want to shatter it into pieces. Then I feel as if I can’t wait until I reach the end of this road. Whenever I drive, the Wall is either on my left-hand side or on my right-hand side. It really gives me a feeling of suffocation. I just want somebody to sit beside me in the car, to make jokes about the Wall, to laugh, to sing aloud. We try to avoid looking at it directly. We try to continue with our lives, but it is always there.  

The Wall and checkpoints isolate me from many things in my life. My social life is composed of many elements, it is not Hania alone. I have my parents, my sisters, my brother, my work, my colleagues, and the members of Pyalara [Palestinian Youth Association of Leadership and Rights Association]. Step by step, the separation started with the checkpoints and then it was combined with the Wall. Being cut off from one another has taken a big toll on our lives, our connections, our relationships, and how we view ourselves.  

I remember when I was living with my family in Jerusalem proper, in Wadi Joz. We lived in a rented house, and then the landlord wanted our house. My parents always dreamed of owning their own house. For financial reasons we were never able to buy a real nice house, but we worked hard to buy an apartment. After working hard, we were able to buy it five years ago in the Kufr ‘Aqoub area, which is part of Jerusalem. My new house was just a five-minute drive from my work. It was so convenient, in-between Jerusalem and Ramallah. We were very happy with it. A few months afterwards, the Kalandia checkpoint was constructed. Then the new apartment became a nightmare. Suddenly all our dreams were shattered; everyone in my family blamed themselves for making the most stupid decision of their lives. All the savings were put into this house, and as we are not a rich family, we could not buy or rent another house in Jerusalem.  

We are Jerusalemites, but we live on the other side of the checkpoints and within the Walls. As Jerusalemites we are entitled to health coverage inside Israel. But how to get there? So many things separate us from what is really ours. I remember that a few years ago my father was sick and we often had to go to the hospital in Jerusalem, to Hadassah. It was winter, and we always went in my car. When we would reach a checkpoint, we didn’t know whether they would let us pass. The checkpoint closed at nine in the evening. A number of times, when we needed to reach the hospital very quickly, we were stopped because they had to do all their searches, all the checks, all the stupid questions – and all this even though we are Jerusalemites. When my father died, he was in an ambulance, stuck at the checkpoint.  

My mom is generally fine but she has some health problems. She cannot walk easily because of back trouble. She now feels paralyzed because she cannot walk the three hundred meters needed to cross the checkpoint to go wherever she wants. If I don’t take her, she cannot move. We cannot enjoy going anywhere because we get stuck at the checkpoint for at least one or two hours. Any event we want to go to is already destroyed by this feeling that we need to cross a checkpoint. It’s as if we are going to another country – and even worse since we have to endure humiliations and problems. If something happens to my mom and it’s urgent that she get to hospital, I now have not only to cross the checkpoint but also to face the problem of the Wall. We are now completely separated from wherever we want or need to go. Even our social life has become disastrous. I remember my birthday; it was just a while ago. None of my sisters, nephews, or nieces to whom I am very close could make it. We turned from a very busy family where all came to see each other very often – having all those big lunches and dinners and so on – into a family where the phone replaces the face-to-face encounter and the social events. Having good social connections characterizes us as Arabs or Palestinians. But now we have to be realistic; we cannot waste all our time in waiting to go through the checkpoints. 

The Wall has a big impact upon a youth organization like Pyalara. I remember when we started this organization back in 1999. It was a melting pot of sorts. Whenever we had a training session or workshop, kids came from various areas: Hebron, Jerusalem, Bethlehem, and Ramallah. All would come and meet at our office. As an organization we brought these kids closer together. Now this can no longer happen. If, for example, we want to plan an activity for youth from Nablus, we have to go to Nablus. We now have no connections with Hebron even though this was one of the first places that we started to work in. I have a press card, so I can travel to Gaza. A few days ago I came back from Gaza and literally cried. Oussama, the guy who runs our office in Gaza, is always on the phone with his colleagues in Ramallah. He thinks that I have the key to bring him to Ramallah. Each time, he says: “Please try, please try. Maybe they’ll allow me to go this time. I just want to spend one day with my colleagues in Ramallah.” I feel that the separation is hardest on the people of Gaza.  

As members of an organization, we always want to challenge tough challenges, to be even stronger than the Wall or the barriers. We really try to overcome whatever measures the Israelis take. We try to facilitate connections between people despite the fact that they are disconnected. Our kids in Nablus sometimes leave at four in the morning and stand in long queues in order to make it here on time. Sometimes they get stuck here because there’s a closure on Nablus or another area, and then they have to sleep here. It’s a financial burden as well. But the young people are ready to cross the barriers just to be together. Sometimes it is not feasible. We have many youngsters who are below eighteen, and for them it is risky because somebody has to bear the responsibility for their traveling. If we go there we can see them; otherwise we have to work through the Internet and the phone.  

The Wall has had a negative impact upon how people view each other, even on how we relate to each other as Palestinians. People ask themselves: “Who is enjoying more freedom than the other?” People start looking at each other, categorizing each other: “Who is the least to suffer, who more?” Thank God, the younger generation is a little more vibrant. They are still hopeful, they want to challenge the world; they want to escape, to run away, to have a fresh start. The older generation seems like zombies sometimes, without spirits. This is really scary. We are thankful that we work with the young generation, but we are always afraid of what might happen to them in the future if the situation continues the way it is today.

What I feel is also important is the psychological impact of the Wall upon the Palestinian nation vis-à-vis the Israeli nation. Already we have been disconnected for so many years from the Israeli side. It seems that the Israeli side has really bought the stories or the myths about the Wall and the “protection” that it provides. They believe that it protects them as a nation from the invasions or suicide bombings of the Palestinians. They didn’t really calculate the long-term effects of the Wall. Maybe it can save some lives in the short term, but in the long run I don’t know what the effect of the Wall will be. I don’t know what happens when people feel so isolated from each other. As Palestinians we assume that anybody living outside the Wall just doesn’t care; we feel that they don’t want to see what is going on inside the Wall. If we as two nations are destined to share one land, and if we care about the future generations, I don’t know how this Wall will help in actually realizing a better future.

The whole issue of the Wall reminds me of an article that I read and responded to almost ten years ago. It was written by Susan Hattis Rolef in the Jerusalem Post. She advised the Israeli government to imprison “the terrorists” inside nets – just like what you do with mosquitoes that bother you. You should keep them away by putting up a net. And this is, in fact, what her government has done. For the Israeli government, the Palestinian people are not real human beings with rights. If they could just imprison those troublemakers, then their lives would continue peacefully. Israelis may gain some sort of tranquility in the short run, but if no real settlement is found – a genuinely just solution – then those mosquitoes will just tear a hole in the screen and come to bother them again. Whatever barriers or walls are built, they will never preserve tranquility or peace in the future.

There is a big difference between how I used to view freedom and how I live or feel it now. Years ago, freedom was a sense of calm, nature, no borders, traveling, green things, sea – all those things represented freedom for me. So whenever I was traveling and high in the sky or when I was swimming in the sea, I felt like I owned the world. Freedom was always connected with large landscapes, with vistas, a big view. Maybe it was because of the fact that where we live we almost never enjoy a big view. Only a few have the luck to live in a place that is high enough to have a view. Wherever we live or work, there are many things that obstruct the view. It’s because houses are often jammed together here, close to each other; and even more so now because of the Wall. So for me, freedom was vision – literally.

But right now I see freedom differently. Freedom has become more an emotional state of mind. In order to feel free I cannot make a connection with how I am living objectively, with where I can go or cannot go. It’s more like what I can do vs. what I cannot do. Not in terms of traveling but with regard to what sustains and fulfils me emotionally. In order to reach a level of emotional satisfaction, I have to concentrate on small things that make me happy and make me feel free: for example, when I am able to help someone. Last night, for instance, I came home at nine. As I was driving along the Wall, a man was walking along the road. I knew that at such a time he could not find a taxi. He was walking along this endless road. I stopped and gave him a ride. The fact that I helped someone gave me a sense of fulfillment and freedom. So I have to find my freedom in very small things that maybe don’t count at the macro level. But for me as a person, I feel that with each step I take, with each act I perform, I am liberating something inside me. This gives me a sense of freedom that is lacking around me; and at the same time it gives me a sense of resilience. In order to be able to continue, I have to realize myself. I realize myself through helping others, through being needed, through giving hope to others. I have to produce tangible results; if not, I don’t feel satisfied. For me hope is not just an abstract term. Hope has to be linked to something concrete. I have to divide hope into phases to make it realistic. When I complete a certain phase, I move to the next level, and further up. This is how I relate to the people around me. Many young people are frustrated because they want to achieve something much higher; they want freedom; they want to get rid of occupation. They want to find excellent jobs, to attain a certain status in society. We cannot fulfill all those goals right now. So we must divide them into smaller, doable tasks. How can we find a role for young people that helps them to develop part of who they are, to learn to help themselves and others in the society?

It seems to me that a comparative approach is the most appropriate. When you compare you can reach a level of satisfaction. Even when you are in a very bad situation you can find people who are worse. And because you are doing better, you can help them. If you bring those who are in a worse situation to your bad situation, it is a fulfillment of one phase – and then you move to the next phase, which allows you to do something much better.

As a Jerusalemite, as a representative of a youth organization, and as a journalist, I usually have the opportunity to travel. And we do our best to provide travel opportunities for our young people. But it’s funny: If I am in another country – for example, Holland, Germany, or the United States – and I am enjoying whatever those countries give, believe me, I don’t feel relieved or relaxed until I reach Kalandia checkpoint. Only then am I back home [laughs]. It reminds me of Kundera’s book title, The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I know what is awaiting me. Whenever I want, I can be somewhere else, and I could do many other things in the world. The easiest thing is just to escape. But somehow I want to face the challenge. Other nations can live disasters or epidemics. But in our case we face not just a “regular disaster,” such as an economic burden or even a regular Wall, but a convergence of factors that are all designed to continuously degrade the human being, to deprive you of your dignity. We Palestinians are subjected to daily experiences that drive us crazy, but still we manage to overcome whatever experiences we go through and are somehow able to challenge the things that cannot be challenged. Getting rid of the occupation has become a challenge. Of course we are entitled to resist the occupation according to all the international laws. But we have to keep strong in order to maintain our ability to challenge the occupation until we get our rights. Meanwhile, in order to continue and be strong, our soul has to be fed, nourished.

I nourish myself through things that I manage to fulfill on the personal or on the organizational level. I feel that we as Pyalara are making a significant impact upon young people’s lives. Sometimes we are amazed at the comments we get. When we hear some people talking about how we’ve influenced their lives, we react with: “Oh, my God!” Sometimes we can’t believe how much something small can help, how it can rescue people. We do something small – let’s say, giving youth an opportunity to speak on a youth TV program – and we ourselves don’t really appreciate its value. But it might come at a certain point in their lives when self-esteem is so low that our support or our ability to engage them in something rescues their lives. They get somehow find meaning in their lives; they feel that they’re doing something valuable, that there is a reason that they should continue to live and look toward the future. Sometimes I even feel that I myself need someone to support me, someone to give me hope. I am a human being. I need to believe in the things I am doing, and so I need someone to make me believe deeply in hope. When I am feeling down and come to work, I get some of the feedback I need as soon as I meet with the target groups whom we are working with. I see how much their lives are touched. Then I really get energy.

When we were recently in Holland with a group of youth, I didn’t speak. The young people themselves narrated their stories. When the Dutch young people were clapping and embracing the Palestinians, I looked at those young people. They felt that they liberated the world; that they had won a million dollars. I really felt that they had accomplished their mission. They worked from their heart, and they delivered something. Those young people felt they had played a significant role for their peers, for their culture, for their cause. Those moments are like a treasure. You can always lean back on those moments.

Interview: Al-Ram, December 9, 2004.

Hania Bitar is secretary general of the Palestinian youth organization Pyalara (Palestinian Youth Organization for Leadership and Rights Activation).


 

LIFE IN PALESTINE: THE MAGNET THAT DRAWS ME HOME 

Jizelle Salman 

I need to take a detour to get to my house. I used to take a road that has now become an Israeli checkpoint and military camp. We heard last year that the land on the hill above my house, which we have cultivated for many years, will be expropriated in order to build the Wall and, next to it, a military road. This was of course most difficult news for us. The Wall will be at a distance of only 6–12 meters from our house. We will be imprisoned by a Wall above our house, where there is the Har Gilo settlement, as well as a Wall below our house. Above our own property, the Greek Orthodox Convent has lands, and beneath our home, the Salesian Convent has lands. Both convents started court cases against the Israeli army. Because these are church institutions that the Israelis respect to some extent, we may perhaps be supported. The Israelis have announced that they will change the route of the Wall, but up until now we haven’t been informed.

Because of the checkpoints my dad lost his factory – a stone factory for building houses. He got the raw material – the rocks – from Hebron, but the rocks could not pass the checkpoints. So he lost his job and left to look for work in the United States together with my sister who now studies and works there. I hope that my father will come back. My mom stayed here. She is a very strong woman; she didn’t want to go to the States. As long as there was still an open road that led to downtown Beit Jala and Bethlehem, she was content to stay. They could not close the road because there is a hospital nearby. So we were lucky. The fact that we have a house here protects our land from being expropriated. If we were not here, there would be nothing to prevent them from taking the land so as to enlarge the Har Gilo settlement.

Palestine is divided into three areas. Sometimes you lose count [laughs]. Area A is supposed to be 100-percent Palestinian controlled; Area B, Palestinian-civilian controlled, but with ‘security’ in the hands of the Israelis; and Area C is under complete Israeli control, with the exception of specific services such as telephone and electricity. I live in Area C, so the army is always around. It is very difficult to have the soldiers coming and going so close to our house. Sometimes they close the road when they suspect that there are ‘wanted people’ who have been injured and are being taken to the hospital. Then the Israeli army comes and searches the area for these ‘wanted’ people.

I had planned to study for my master’s degree at Birzeit University, normally two hours away. However, the checkpoints and the difficult roads made it impossible. It’s not safe. Sometimes you are stopped and prevented from reaching your destination, and sometimes it also happens that the road back home is blocked. Then you’re stuck in the middle and have to endure the rain and cold or the heat of the sun.

My uncles live in the Ramallah area; I haven’t visited them for the last two years. You can’t easily go to hospitals, to holy places. I haven’t been to Jerusalem in four or five years. It’s very difficult to even get a permit to go there. So you can’t really live your life. At night when you want to go out to meet with friends or do something, you need to be careful not to get too close to the checkpoints so as not to encounter Israeli soldiers. It’s especially frightening for young women. Sometimes when the soldiers are looking for someone, they impose a closure on the area where you are, and the drama starts. Frankly, you can’t understand what I’m talking about unless you live it.

I really hate checkpoints around the house. I used to go out and walk through the hills. We live near the top of a very high hill; it has nice views. The air is fresh, not like in downtown Bethlehem. But as soon as you want to go for a walk on a beautiful summer night, for instance, you sense that danger is lurking. The soldiers may think you’re a ‘suspicious person’ and take you away for investigation or something even worse. So you’re just imprisoned in the Bethlehem area – or more specifically, a part of the Bethlehem area. You’re stuck in a very small space. You can be stopped and checked every few meters. You can suddenly find a so-called emergency checkpoint in front of you and, just like that, you’re taken away for interrogation. This happens especially in our neighborhood, because I live in an area where they look for ‘wanted’ men.

Each summer I travel abroad to study or visit my friends. When I need to travel in June, I start planning in March. And even with the best of plans, I am never sure whether I will be allowed to leave the country or not. Palestinians are forbidden from using the nearby airport (Tel Aviv). So I have to ask for a permit to go through Jordan. And even if I get the permit, I’m not sure if I will be allowed to pass through the checkpoints on the day of my departure. It often depends on the mood of the soldiers who man the checkpoint. After a while, you lose hope and want to say: “It’s enough, I don’t want to travel.” Imagine having to suffer three months every year just thinking about how to leave the country. It becomes really tiring.

Then finally, if you are able to leave, you discover another world – freedom: freedom of movement, freedom of expression, respect for you as a human being, respect for you as a female. I remember the days when I went to Europe. In Holland I traveled by train. You can go from one city to another without a passport and, after some hours, I discovered that I was in Belgium. Wow! Nobody asked for my passport. I was free! The journey back home was my biggest problem. When you return, you find the opposite. You find checkpoints, you find yourself stuck in cultural issues, you can’t move, you can’t do anything. I was really frustrated and depressed during the first weeks after I returned. It was almost as if I had never lived here before. I asked myself: “Did I really used to live in this situation?” All I wanted was to leave again.

But then, all of a sudden, after I had been home for three weeks and had filled my days with the dozens of things that one has to do after traveling, I actually felt attracted to being here – as though there were a magnet that was pulling me to stay or reminding me of my attachment to this land. I don’t know exactly what it is. After all, you can only scratch the surface of your life. You don’t know what lies beneath the surface. But sometimes, for a brief moment, there is a feeling that captures you. If you were to ask me the reason, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. At first you think that there’s nothing to do here, and you can’t bear your life any longer. There are dozens of problems that fill your head, and then, all of a sudden, something comes like this [snaps her finger]; maybe it is the smile of a friend, or a word from an old woman, or a cup of coffee with your relatives, or your relatives coming to help you. Maybe it is our family life, maybe it’s our friends. I can’t describe precisely why I want to stay here. It’s just an irresistible desire. It’s strange, but that’s the reality.

After this trip, I was completely at rest with my family again, with my friends and family. I was back into our normal prison life [laughs]. And I thought: So why did I want to leave? It doesn’t make sense. I don’t have many choices here, but at least I have better choices than other people. I have a job; I study at a university; I have friends; I have a social life. What do we need from life, in general? We need respect, we need to be able to afford a household, we need friends. It’s not very complicated.

I once had a problem with my car, a small accident. I phoned and suddenly three cars arrived, full of guys – my brothers and friends – who asked: “What do you want? Is everything OK?” The guy who caused the accident was afraid because he thought that I had brought all those people to make problems for him. Wow, whenever you need them, friends and family are there for you.

Maybe family life is better outside, I’ve never tried it; but I sometimes hear from my father that he hasn’t seen my sister for two days, although they live together. She works different hours; she studies at night, gets up early. Money-wise, they say it’s better there. But if you work a lot without having the time to enjoy your life, what will happen to you after a certain number of years? It’s not easy when you are under stress. Sometimes I just want to sit with a big family around and drink a cup of tea. When they ask me: “What do you consider a day off, a holiday?” After having visited six countries this summer, I say: “I am completely free when I am away from the world and when I am in my pajamas drinking coffee with my mom, with nothing to do. It’s very therapeutic.

After going to Lebanon for a workshop, I was able to say, without hesitation, “I am so lucky to be in Palestine and Bethlehem.” I went to the Sabra and Shatila refugee camps. There I met a lady – she was in her late sixties maybe – and we were carrying flowers to take to the collective graveyard that commemorates the massacre. She asked: “Where are you from?” “I come from Bethlehem, Palestine,” I replied; and she hugged me and kissed me. She even wanted to kiss my hand. She started to cry. She didn’t want to leave me, and she said, “Please take me with you.” There were about sixty of us there at the time. We had all come to visit, and we represented six Arab countries. And all of us were crying at that moment. Refugees have a strong desire to see their land. When I asked them: “Where are you from?” They replied, “from Safed,” or “from Acca,” and they even mentioned the names of Palestinian villages that I had never heard of. When I came home and saw my family around me, I knew that I would remain here, despite the fact that life is very difficult and really a struggle. In fact, the struggle makes me stronger. I have been through a lot. If you have everything, a tiny problem becomes a big problem and you become frustrated by it. But if you face a lot, if you face a really tough experience, it makes you stronger, it gives you a challenge. So I said to myself, it’s either me or life; life is not going to get the best of me. So now I can say that I am here because I have certain choices – better choices than many other people – and I must stay here in order to save my home, to save my life, and to encourage others.

As a teacher of children, I hope that the children will be able to bring about change: respect the differences of the other; respect somebody for what she or he is. For me, the concept of freedom means respect for a human being. I am not sure whether we will ever reach that stage, but I believe that we need to try – through education for both Palestinians and Israelis. We shouldn’t feel superior or inferior towards other people. Feelings of inferiority lead to hatred of the other; and a sense of superiority prevents respect of the other. Of course, this is my long-term goal.  

And that’s what keeps me going – hope. I hope that I can be a catalyst for change. When you’re young, you can do a lot to bring about change. Many foreigners stay here to live in solidarity with us; they give. So what about us Palestinians? Why don’t we give? In fact, I believe that we give a lot. But we still have the energy to give more, to stay in our country and raise our children. We love our country and its people. We love our home.

Despite all the terrible things that happen to us Palestinians, we have achieved something. We are now able to get Palestinian passports and IDs that reflect our nationality. I became aware of this achievement during a recent visit to Canada. I was there for a few weeks because I had received a scholarship. The aboriginal people – native Canadians, don’t have Indian passports and have just melted into part of colonial history. I realized that I had forgotten that we, as Palestinians, are becoming strong and that we have our own nationality, our own presence, our own country. We are facing very strong international powers – the strongest powers in the world. But we have asserted our cultural and national identity.

There are also rewarding moments with my children, that is, my students. Whenever I go to class, I know that they’ll be waiting there for me, outside the English class. Last year I told one class that I wouldn’t be teaching them next year. They went to the principal to ask if Miss Jizelle could continue to teach them. They appreciate the fact that I teach them how to be self-confident, how to act democratically. I don’t impose things on them; I give their opinions weight. Sometimes, when I am tired and nervous and start to yell, they say, “Ah, but you said that you were a democratic teacher!” Education is the most important means for bringing about change. You see the sparkle in the children’s eyes when they hear the word ‘democracy’ or ‘participation’. These eyes reflect hope, innocence, and love for their teacher. That’s very rewarding for me.

Living in Palestine is something special. I was lucky enough not to have to leave the country, not to become a refugee or an emigrant. I could have gone to the US to get a green card or a passport, but I didn’t do so. If ever I have to choose again, I would still choose to live in Beit Jala – on the top of that mountain that is so very calm and clean and surrounded by strong family and social bonds. Bethlehem and Beit Jala touch your heart. 

Interview: 7 December, 2004, Beit Jala 

Jizelle Salman, from Beit Jala, is an English-language teacher and youth coordinator at the Arab Educational Institute in Bethlehem. 


 

AS LONG AS THERE IS A SOCIETY THAT RESISTS,

THERE IS HOPE 

Maha Abu Dayyeh 

My office is close to my house – I just walk across the street. Now the Wall ends just before the intersection where I cross. When its construction is completed, I will have to drive all the way through the Kalandia checkpoint, turn right around, and cross the checkpoint again and go to Dahiet Al-Barid, before I can get to my office! I live on the left-hand side of the street that goes from Jerusalem to Ramallah, which is the Jerusalem side. However, all the services for my daily existence will be on the side that will be blocked off. Think about getting vegetables or food, or getting maintenance and household support. Half of all Jerusalemite Palestinians are going to suffer from this because electricians or maintenance people all live in areas that are blocked off. Because they will be harder to get, they will be more expensive. Life is going to become much more expensive, and not only monetarily. We will also pay a heavy social and emotional price. We will become disconnected – literally and figuratively – from family and friends. Going to Ramallah or Beit Jala, places actually not very far from here, will be very difficult.  

Practically speaking, the Wall is imprisoning us even though the prison gates are not in the house itself but beyond the house. To go in and out you will need to have a special permit, and you will need to pay for it. On top of that, there is destruction to the environment in areas close to the Wall because of the digging in the streets, the dust, the fuel, and the fumes. Dust and fumes are always in the house; you can’t ever get it totally clean. Going in and out of the house means jumping over rubble and concrete, over all kinds of building refuse. You destroy your clothes, your shoes. You have to have an extra budget for all those expenses. And the Wall blocks the view. You can see only a few meters in front of you. You wake up in the morning and face the massive, ugly, grey cement blocks. We are living in chaos. 

One has to realize how the Wall, specifically, and the living conditions, as a whole, block us psychologically. When you are psychologically blocked, your thinking is also blocked. Your ability to be creative is blocked. Your ability to feel is blocked because you have to protect yourself all the time from feeling frustrated. These are what destroy the person. It’s a sort of psychological torture. You always have to be on the alert. You can’t relax. You always think about how you are going to deal with the next obstacle. You can’t ever plan and fully expect to complete one plan. You always have to have plan A, plan B, and plan C. It often happens that you can’t achieve the goals that you worked so hard for. You always have to face disappointments.  

An outsider to this situation has to go through this to understand what it really means. The Wall is one of the most violent forms of psychological and physical aggression that is directed against the Palestinian collective and against the Palestinian individual. This is especially true for those whose daily existence requires them to cross the Wall or go around it. Maybe there are a few people in the center of Palestinian towns who can manage and who do not have to move, but these are very few. The majority of the people have to cross the Wall all the time. You cannot cross without a permit issued by the Israeli government, so the Israelis control our movements. They decide who is able to move or not. In so doing, they control the lives of the Palestinians. They decide who is important or not; what is valuable or not; who can go to work or not. On a day-to-day basis, these decisions are up to soldiers who guard the gates. These soldiers on the ground make a lot of their own, independent decisions. They can sexually harass the women if they want to. They can choose to be easy, hostile, or violent. And when they have violated the rights and dignity of Palestinian people, they can always find an excuse, and the government will cover up the violations. We live our daily lives within this violent situation.  

Because of the current situation, the number of women who are able to reach our office is declining. We are not able to help as much as we could. It forces us to open more centers throughout the region, which is more expensive – unnecessarily expensive. It is a terrible waste of resources. We end up using our money on administration, rents, and other overhead expenses, including transporting staff, rather than on doing program work.  

There is nothing like one’s own real experience. I internalized the violence of the Wall after I heard that it was built around Qalqilia. But hearing about it and internalizing it in an intellectual way are incomparable to the actual experience of having to go around or walk or drive by it. You drive next to the Wall, but there are also buildings bordering the other side of the road. They built the Wall in the middle of the street and you’re stuck between it and the buildings in a narrow channel, like cattle. You know what happens with cattle: The cattle are lined up, and the machine takes them one by one while they can’t move, as though they were in a cage. The same happens to us. You cannot run away. You cannot backtrack. You cannot go left or right. You are stuck between the Wall and the other buildings. You’re in a line and whatever happens, you cannot act on your own or control your own destiny. This happens all the time. You get the feeling that, inevitably, you are going to be destroyed, killed, stampeded, caught in the middle of a shooting, as if you are living your life in one giant, ubiquitous crossfire. You are constantly on the alert and feel very vulnerable. To say this is a disempowering experience is an understatement. In fact, you are being choked unmercifully, cold-bloodedly.  

All our lives we have to deal with crises. You become weaker as a person. Your capacity to tolerate difficulties becomes much smaller. You are emotionally charged most of the time. Personally I am deeply affected when I observe the children. The kids are nervous all the time, agitated, so much of their energy and effervescence is restrained. They are afraid, especially of soldiers. When they see a patrol, they all run away and start crying. If they start crying, I start to cry. And that shows that I too have been, and continue to be, traumatized. It is a new thing for me. I am affected by the whole situation. It is a horrible way for children to grow up.  

Freedom, for me, is the ability to walk endlessly without being stopped. To be able to keep moving forward. For me this ability is physical and also mental. To think without being restricted. I find that my ability as a thinking and moving human being is handicapped because my physical movements are continually hindered and restricted. Freedom also is being able to do what I want to do; to see my friends when I want to see them. Freedom is not being restricted irrationally and arbitrarily, that is, when I don’t understand why I am restricted. As a child, I could never accept a “no” without an explanation. I wanted to see friends, to be with people, to have activities, and to be able to participate with my friends in joint activities. And to be able to think freely and to express my thoughts freely without being shut up or being told that I am stupid or unrealistic or otherwise blocked in my ability to think. As an adult living under Israeli occupation, I see the same patterns. The restrictions and hindrance are more sophisticated, but the same principles are still there. There is an English expression, “the sky is the limit.” That means that one’s imagination and ability to be an actor in the world should be far-reaching, limitless, unrestricted. But in the Palestinian context, the Wall is the limit.  

As an individual, I cannot complain. Indeed, if I compare myself to many other people, I am a lucky person. I am able to travel abroad and meet very interesting and creative people. They help me overcome my own thinking blockages. I think with them, learn from them. When I return home, I am better able to overcome my own limitations in thinking freely. Traveling and seeing other realities enable me to regain my sense of balance. When you travel you see that the situation here is abnormal and that the normal should be what people out there experience. When you stay here you get used to the situation and come to believe that there is no other way of life. 

So my level of anger is elevated when I come back and see the situation again. My anger means that I am alive. My anger makes me act more, be more constructive with my colleagues, with my kids. I try to help them cope with the situation that they are in. Being able to use my anger to help others is important to me because it gives me energy. If I can maintain my anger at a steady level, I am energized. Anger means that I am trying to act on what happens. I think people need to be angry all the time about the situation. People have the right to be angry and express their anger. It’s a sign of living – a refusal to die. Through anger, you say no to a brutal situation. We should not walk quietly in the face of brutality. One should resist, for instance, by showing anger to the soldier and by breaking the rules. Refusing to respond to instructions given in the Hebrew language is a form of resistance. Everybody has a chance to resist by any small way or means. It builds one’s strength. Resistance is not the same as survival. Survival is barely making it, just going on with your dealings. Resistance is acting consciously, purposefully on your situation. Some people just choose to survive because they are tired of resisting and fighting; I can’t blame them. I consistently hope that not all people in our society fall into that mode. So far, it looks as though they are resisting and fighting. My organization supports coping strategies but also the fight to maintain humanity, to refuse to be dehumanized, to maintain hope. When we implement our educational programs in the community, we just remind people of the issues of justice and the rule of law. You can always find hope for building a better life.  

I personally refuse to be killed emotionally or psychologically. I will not give up. I am a resister. As long as there is a society that resists, there is hope. I see people’s resistance as a profound, courageous expression of choosing life. I see it all around me. It may not be tangible in the immediate, but when people choose life, there is hope. I also see happy children all around me. As long as there are kids laughing, there is hope. 

Interview: December 20, 2004, Jerusalem. 

Maha Abu Dayyeh is director of the Women’s Center for Legal Aid and Counseling (WCLAC) in Jerusalem.


 

Ismail Mukbil

A LIFE STORY OF PATIENCE AND HOPE

(interview 2002)

I am a school principal at an UNRWA school in downtown Hebron. During the Al-Aqsa Intifadah, my school was closed, and my students were obliged to go to another school outside Hebron. Many of them were in fact unable to attend classes, due to the curfew in Hebron and the many problems in traveling.

I was born to a simple Palestinian family of six boys and one girl. My father worked hard to raise us in spite of his old age. He worked in menial jobs that mostly depended on muscles. When I was six year, he was in his sixties and my mother in her forties. His sole aim and hope was to once see his sons and daughter in good and dignified jobs. He did his best to give us the opportunity to complete our university studies. When I was a grown-up child of fourteen, I remembered him saying: “My son, study hard to be a teacher so as to get rid of all the hardships that I faced during my life.” It was the aim of every Palestinian refugee to have well-educated sons and daughters since they lacked the land to earn a living.  I never forget what happened when I was at secondary school in Hebron. The students of my age wanted to become friends with me, but as soon as they heard that I was a refugee they stopped trying. Once a good student from Hebron wanted to become friends since I was also a very good student and known for my quietness and politeness. However, when he asked me where I came from and I told him that I was from Al-Arroub refugee camp, his face turned red and he managed with difficulty to continue talking to me although he clearly preferred not to do so. Most people in Palestine consider Palestinian refugees – especially the ones who live in camps – as of lower standing and class.

The student’s behaviour aroused something within myself. I decided to prove myself despite the bitter circumstances. I wanted to complete my secondary school although I had not enough money to even take a taxi. During some days of the week I walked the three kilometers to the school. When other students asked me why I walked, my reply was that I preferred to read some class topics while walking. My parents tried to give me the best they had. In 1970 I joined the tawjihi, the last class in the secondary cycle. I worked hard so as to get a high average. I was able to join the Teacher’s College in Ramallah. My father, who was very ill at the time, was happy to see me coming back from the college. Each time I shook hands with him, hugged him and kissed him. I know from the expressions of his face and his unseen smile – he was completely paralyzed – that the aim of his life was fulfilled. I wanted to help him and support the family.

From that time on I learned the lesson that one needs to give more than to take, to help deprived people and to raise children the way that my father dreamed of. The people of my camp are simple, poor, and with a good heart. They need somebody to support them, to help them overcoming their problems and bad conditions, mainly at times of crisis. They are deprived of many things, of freedom, humanity, social care, health care and all the necessary things that many people inside and outside Palestine have. The only thing I can give to support them is education. I help many students in my camp in different subjects and encourage them to complete their study. My advice to them is to be patient since patience bears fruitful results for those who believe in it.

It was on Ramadan 1992 when my family and I were invited by my brother to share the Iftar meal, a special meal for Moslems that is eaten after sunset. At noon on the tenth of Ramadan we left Al-Arroub camp for Jerusalem where my brother and his family live. Relatives, friends and neighbours enjoyed a special meal together. As we had school the next day, we decided to travel back home at midnight. My brother drove us back in his yellow [Israeli-]plated van. When we were about one km from Al-Arroub camp, we saw a car driver along the road who waved at us. He did not speak Arabic so my brother, who knows Hebrew fluently, asked what he needed. Initially the stranger was very frightened when he learned that we were Palestinians. My brother reassured him and told him that we were ready to help him. My brother said to me that he was an Israeli from West-Jerusalem who was on his way back from a wedding party in Harsina (a settlement inside Hebron city). His car had broken down, and he was looking for a mechanic. He worked as an engineer at Jerusalem Municipality.

My brother and I left to find help in Al-Arroub camp. We told a mechanic about the Israeli engineer and his car. The mechanic was willing to accompany us and fix the car although it was late in the night. He took all the tools and equipment needed and came to the place where the man was waiting. After the car was fixed, the man was pleased and gave the mechanic some money which was refused. The Israeli thanked all of us and urged us to visit him in the coming days. The event passed and became history.

In summer 1999, history came back. While my daughter took part in a Seeds of Peace summer camp in Maine in the United States, she became a close friend of an Israeli girl who supported the Palestinians and peace. One day while my daughter called us, the Israeli girl told my daughter that she was familiar with the phone number. Her family turned out to be that of the man from Jerusalem. He called us and our relationship came alive again. They expressed their sadness to what is going on now and opposed the oppression and suffering of the Palestinians. We started to exchange visits and phone calls but everything stopped after the Al-Aqsa Intifadah. Still my family and I respect the Israeli family who are full of humanity and against what is happening now to the Palestinians. We are praying to see peace spread all over the Holy Land, the land of the holy religions and the holy places.

Rami is a thirteen-year old smart boy, whose behaviour says more than a thousand words. He is very clever but shy. Before the mid-term exams, Rami was absent. As school principal, I investigated the reasons for his absence since he was not ill and he had not asked permission for a school leave. To my astonishment, one of his friends told me that he had seen him at a bakery near his house.

The next day, I decided to visit him at the bakery. It was sad to see Rami in his poor clothes helping a baker in his job. I asked the baker whether I could speak with him for a few minutes. After a moment of hesitation, he agreed and asked Rami to bring two wooden chairs and to attend for the tea. After I introduced myself, he told me that Rami’s father had disappeared and that nobody knew his fate. He was a man who was often drunk. Because of that his wife had left him, together with Rami’s grandmother, and the wife had married an uncle. After the grandmother died, Rami was forced to leave school so as to earn a living. The baker sympathized with Rami and gave him work and a place at the bakery to sleep. I thanked the baker for the tea and his explanation, and he agreed to let me with Rami alone for a while. Rami started to weep in front of my eyes. I felt very sorry for what happened to him, and assured him that his teachers and I would provide him with the money and all what he needed. He agreed to come if his mother also agreed. I invited his mother to come to school and asked her to help us to solve Rami’s problem. She supported Rami and us and she told us that she was afraid that her husband would prevent her from taking care of Rami. She told us that most of Rami’s cousins were uneducated people. Although they were of school age, they all earned a living by carrying things at the vegetable market. 

We – I as principal, the school counselor and the teachers of Rami – did our best, and Rami joined school for a few weeks. He then disappeared again. He rented a cart to work with vendors. I decided to see him personally again, and ran into him in the vegetable market while he pushed a cart full of fruit and vegetable boxes. When he saw me he almost fainted but I smiled at him. He promised to visit me at school after class time, so that there would be no students and teachers. He kept his promise and visited me in May 2000. He told many sad stories about himself, his family and relatives. I suggested him to join a school for orphans, which is in fact one of the best schools in Hebron. He agreed after some hesitation and I assured him that I would do my best to support him. He accompanied me to the new school where he found food and a dwelling place together with his classmates whose lives were not better than his. I promised to visit him from time to time and to keep contact with his new principal and teachers. 

Now Rami is a different student. He is a good friend of most of his classmates. His teachers and principal support and respect him. Rami became like a cousellor to his cousins and he advised them to go back to school again. I am happy to help Rami and save him from the negative influences from his environment. As a school principal, I face many cases like Rami’s, sometimes more complicated, sometimes less. My school is in an area of Hebron which is deprived of many things, including educational opportunities, health care, and social services. My teachers and I try to lessen the burden on the shoulders of these deprived children.

Ismail Mukbil was principal of the UNRWA (United Nations Relief and Work Agency) School in Hebron (now principal of UNRWA Boys’ school in the village of Wallajeh. He lives in Al-Arroub Camp north of Hebron.